LIMITING BELIEFS
SO WHAT EVEN IS ‘INNER WORK’ & WHY DO WE NEED TO DO IT?
Inner work is shaping your emotions, beliefs, and attitudes to create a healthier and happier version of yourself. It's about adjusting and correct your mindset so that it helps you better facilitate your goals.
It’s becoming in tune with what you’re feeling, who you are, any mental blocks you face and making sure you operate in an aligned and in tune way.
Partly it’s developing your EQ (Emotional intelligence)
EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school, work and life, achieve both your career and personal goals. It turns intention into action and helps make informed decisions about what matters most to you rather than irrational fight or flight response reactions.
One of the biggest things I see as a coach is limiting beliefs and an inability to regulate strong emotions.
LIMITING BELIEFS
Let’s address the limiting belief work first
Overcoming limiting beliefs isn’t always easy. They are deeply ingrained in us, often from childhood. But once you discover what they are and how to identify them, you can learn how to overcome your limiting beliefs
1. First we need to identify them - Limiting beliefs are ideas we hold about ourselves and the world that prevent us from becoming the best versions of us, they limit us and we believe them to be true. How to identify start writing down beliefs you have and ask yourself is this a universal truth (e.g true for everyone) or is it a belief in placing limit on myself
2. Take ownership - ultimately our behaviour determines our reality. To overcome our limiting beliefs, we must develop the belief that life doesn’t happen to us but for us. There’s always a lesson.
We can always have mastery over our emotions, find the lessons in any losses/failures, makes better decisions and stay focused / work toward our goals, no matter what.. Catch out Self-talk, this is constant, the more we tell ourselves something, the more we believe it. We have thousands of thoughts per day and if even a small amount of those involve limiting beliefs, that’s a constant negative narrative running through your head all day.
Identify the belief
Is it universally true?
What do you want to believe instead?
Affirm the new belief
As mentioned they can be challenging to always identify, so we must build the practice over time (Remember Neuroplasticity - Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to change and adapt as a result of experience)
Example
Situation: Parents forced you into swimming at a young age because you were overweight, even though you didn't like it.
You Assigned the Meaning: Enjoying exercise isn’t as important as losing weight
Belief: Being skinny is more important than anything else when it comes to health
Reality: Crash dieting and endless cardio classes because of the belief whilst hating the process.
SOME OTHER COMMON ONES
1. I’m not good enough.
2. I’m not smart enough.
3. I always fail.
4. Bad things always happen to me.
5. I don’t deserve success.
6. Things are always hard.
7. I’m not loveable.
8. Rich people are greedy.
9. No one cares.
10. I’ll be happy when …
11. I can’t do anything right.
12. Money is the root of all evil.
13. If I try [whatever] rejection is inevitable.
These could also be part of your shadow (below) where you don’t like people who enjoy exercise because you held the belief nothing is more important than skinny.
It's easier to keep believing to keep your ego safe than it is to work through healing it, however the expansion that happens on the other-side - priceless.
SHADOW WORK
The term 'the shadow' was made popular by psychoanalyst Carl Jung. He saw it as the uncivilised, even primitive side of our nature. We all have a shadow self. It is generally made up of the parts of ourselves we deem unacceptable
Shadow work is simply becoming aware of what's hidden and gradually healing those aspects of yourself. When you start shadow work, you may feel the way you felt as a child when you were forced to suppress those emotions. But once you overcome it, it may open your eyes to a whole new side of you you had no idea existed.
Your shadow develops during childhood. As a kid, you heavily rely on your
parents or caretakers to survive. You learn what behaviours are “good” and “bad” to keep your parents happy and ensure your survival.
If your mum always told you it’s not okay to cry when you were upset, you learn to
keep in your emotions. If your dad always yelled at you to shut up when you spoke your mind, you learn to keep your opinions to yourself.
You learned how to adapt to the world around you and shove those no good behaviours and traits to the side. Those negative parts of yourself are repressed and become your shadow self.
As an adult, all those negative traits and behaviours are programmed into your subconscious. You are often not aware of how your shadow is subconsciously affecting your present-day behaviours and thinking.
Your shadow can cause you to be triggered by certain people or situations for
seemingly no reason. For instance, if you were taught to keep your emotions in,
you may experience anger or resentment towards a person who is openly emotional.
To do shadow work is to uncover what your repressed qualities are and to heal
from childhood experiences or traumas that formed your shadow.
HOW DOES YOUR SHADOW DEVELOP?
REMEMBER...
Create a safe, no-judgment zone. Approach each layer with a curious mindset. Be open and non-
judgmental while figuring out what makes you tick and why.
Give yourself lots of grace and love when doing this inner work. Learning about your shadow is not easy work ! It can be painful to think about past traumas and negative experiences. It is important to follow up your shadow work with a calming self-care routine.
Decide whether you want to seek external support to help you move through or work through things on your own, if you’re ready to start shining light on your shadow I highly recommend you download the shadow work journal here:
CLICK HERE FOR SHADOW WORK JOURNAL